Must Work Harder

One of the four year olds that I teach has to stop coming to private English lessons because she has to start going to cram school twice a week and can't fit it all in. She's at nursery school now but needs to do an exam in two years to go to kindergarden, hence why she has to go to cram school after nursery.

Of course, this is nothing on the kids who go to cram school from age two here.

------------

Fucked up slightly this morning: last night felt sick (actually I was sick) and normal recent insomnia settled in for a snuggle. So I popped a sleeping pill.

Recently I gave in and, as much as I don't like them, bought some earplugs to keep out the annoying novelty alarm of the guy in the room next to me from waking me up at 6am every day, before the clattering and shouting of the housemates wake me at 8am (I don't need to get up until 9 or 10am as I start late and finish late).

Oh and alarm clock battery may be going too.

Anyway, bad combination - sleeping pill + earplugs. I completely slept through the alarm clock and slumbers and woke up at 12.15pm. I should have been in school for 12pm. Really not the best start to the day.

--------------

The sun is back though :D

Finally coming together maybe

Thanks to a couple of extra days off and too much shitty weather to be arsed to leave my pyjamas or the house (except when I left the house IN my pyjamas to go to the convenience store, having run out of food and not wanting to go in the rain to the supermarket / just not wanting to leave my p.j's), I've been a litte bit productive.

I'm still a long way from chipping into my to-do list but I've figured out where I'm going in India (ah, sunshine, can't wait!), made tentative enquiries about not doing the diploma exam in Tokyo. Only tentative. Nothing is decided - except that I'm not doing it next month.

Two of the four pieces of written work I need to complete for the diploma are done, pending corrections...

And I've found time to study lots of Spanish and write some emails and continue to look for houses to move to. And continue to look at my rooms and wonder when I'll have time to sort them out as obviously packing involves chaos. I'm thinking after India makes more sense.

And it's finally turned winter. Cold. Wet. Not pleasant. And I had it in mind that today I wanted to go to the park to take photos and kick leaves - or at least try and find some leaves to kick. They don't tend to lie around for long here. A couple of weeks ago, during a typhoon, I saw people sweeping up leaves. Like, that's sensible. And a few years ago I saw people up trees picking leaves off so they couldn't fall.

So wrong!

It's all very circular...

Life.
Wake up (get woken up).
Get up.
Drink coffee.
Study.
Go to work.
Study Spanish on way to work.
Work.
Study in work breaks.
Come home.
Study Spanish on way home.
Check Facebook / Twitter / Yahoo / Housing websites.
Watch something I've downloaded.
Worry about study / finding somewhere to move to / packing up all my stuff / sorting out India / my upcoming deadlines / whether my flatmates will keep me awake or wake me up.
Find myself unable to sleep.
Lie awake.
For a long time.
Worrying.
Eventually drop off / pop a pill.
And then it all starts again.
Very zen.
Or not.
Well, the circular bit is. The stress and worry not so.

Nnnnnnnnnnnnnnn

Woken up early yesterday by housemates.
Tired.
Drank lots of coffee during day.
Got home from work 10pm.
Lots on my mind.
Crashed around 2.30am.
Woken by tinkly 'Stairways to Heaven' alarm in neighbours room at 6am.
Rewoken by the Swiss contingency of the house shouting outside my room at 8am.
Didn't need to be awake until 9.30 / 10am.
Feel shite again.
BUT have no work Friday or Saturday this week :D

So, finally, everything has fallen into place.

Okay, not really but I felt like saying something positive!

I'm not feeling so stressed.

My head is still about to explode, but I'm not having a meltdown anymore.

On the house front: well, I have always been a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. Not in a god like way, because I don't 'do' religion, but in a 'what goes up, must come down' kind of way. Things just are and things happen and there is sense in most of it, although sometimes it takes a lot of hunting to find the sense in things.

But I'm going off on a tangent, so let's loop back around.

On the house front: This house is too hot in summer, too cold in winter and I really don't like the people who live here.

However, doing nothing is so much easier than doing something.

Knowing the house will cease to exist, is a good thing. It means I have NO choice but to find somewhere else to go to.

I'll miss the location. I'll miss having my own kitchen. But such is life. I've got my eye on a couple of companies gaijin houses (guest houses) and when a suitable room comes up, I'll grab it.

On the diploma front, I'm concentrating on the portfolio work at the moment and haven't done any unportfolio study in a while. I can't cope with the house stuff and the full whack of the diploma right now, so I'm being realistic and postponing the written exam until next year.

I'm studying Spanish like a mad woman these days because I don't have enough else to do!

I keep looking at my room and groaning at the thought of how much stuff is in it to sort out!

And I really do need to find time to figure out India in case it means I can any cheapo advanced tickets, etc.

Oh and I have to help organise a work xmas party.

And find time to sort out my India visa.

And sort out my sewing pile.

And continue with weekly dental trips. Yay!

And hope I don't catch 'new' flu. In Japan, they apparantly won't call it 'swine flu' because that would upset the pig farmers and panic the whole population into giving up pork. Or something.

*oink*.

Solution

After last nights meltdown post and lying awake mulling for hours before popping a couple of sleeping pills... I reached a decision.

It's not a decision I'm happy with and it's not totally down to me so I'll have to see what happens, but what I think I'm going to do seems the better of a bunch of bad options right now.

There IS no right decision or right answer and I hope following my gut will be the right thing to do here.

Of Rabbit Holes...

I'm half way down a rabbit hole.

I can't go up.

I can't go down.

And the rabbit hole feels like it's filling up with water.

Every option means a sacrifice.

I don't know how much I'm prepared to sacrifice.

My head is telling me many things and I don't know whether to listen to reason or to logic.

Or even if they are the same thing.

I just know something has to give. But I can't figure out what.

What should I sacrifice?

And if it all boils down to the same thing, then I'll just stay midway down the rabbit hole. Unable to go up or go down.

When did it all get so complicated?

And why? How did I manage to piss off karma so much? I thought I deserved better. Or maybe I just used up all my good karma.

(Sorry for the vagueness. I don't know who reads the blog and don't want to say anything that could come back to bite me.)

Or as they say, 'this too shall pass'. Eventually. Taking my sanity and health along with it perhaps. (actually, I don't know who says that, but someone did.)

Oh Great!

Got home this evening and logged on. As usual. Found an email from house agency. Instant reaction was - what are they complaining about now. They don't send us chatty emails. Actually, word has it that house is owned by a cult.... But each to their own and as long as there are no more than a surplus of unread """""religious"""""" books lying around, I'm not bothered.

I like my house. Well, I kind of like it. I like my room. It's in a shared house (ten bedrooms - don't really like communicate with the other tenants because a) we keep different hours, b) we have language problems, c) i'm too busy with diploma / knackeredness, d) some of them are just strange, e) there's a lot of coming and going of tenants.

Actually, there's a couple of them that drive me nuts.

The house is in a pretty poor condition. But I like my room, as I said. It's a decent enough size. Plenty of space for me and the cockroaches. It's an old house. Kind of goes with the territory here. I have lots of cute cockroach traps lying around and cockroach spray (not pleasant when you accidently inhale it, as is quite hard to avoid actually) and I've been known to drown a few if I can...

The house is old. It has 'character'. Okay, it's kind of crumbling and rattles but so do most Japanese houses older than ten years of age. Kidding. It's made of wood and wood rot mainly, with doors and windows that don't quite fit.

And the location. The location is great. If you know Tokyo, it's near the Hilton and Shinjuku Chuo Park. It's easy walking distance to Shinjuku Station, Tochomae Station, Nishi Shinjuku Station... It's convenient. In Japan 'convenience' is very important. My students always tell me how Tokyo is such a convenience (sic) city. London and Paris are other convenience (sic) cities.

It's a quiet area. Even if the house isn't always quiet. It's cheap enough. Even if my clothes get mould on them and smell damp a lot. It's home. In a crumbly, I'm a foreigner and so can't really find anything much better with my own kitchen in a convenient area, kind of way.

I love the tower blocks around here. Lots of hotels and office buildings. A park. Lots of nice homeless people.

The house is one of a bundle of very old (we're talking Japanese old house not UK old house here) houses in a block of about three or four small streets and...

to finally get to the point of this post and the email...

We've received notice they're going to knock all the houses down.

On the one hand, I'm not at all surprised. I guessed about ten months ago it was only a matter of time due to the number of suited men walking up and down the streets taking photos and scribbling notes and the recently erected office blocks. The land this block of houses is on is probably worth a fair amount of money to someone.

On the other hand, it's bloody annoying. I'm not planning to be here for more than another six months. Having to move somewhere new in the middle of that is not convenient. They say the earliest this will happen will be end of January. Great. I have no time (diploma) for house hunting or moving this YEAR. And as soon as the diploma is finished, I'm off to India til the end of the first week of January.

We'll get 45 days notice apparantly. On the plus side, we won't get charged any damage or cleaning fees now.

The plus sides aren't feeling too plus at the moment though.

Five Years

Five years I've been in Tokyo.
Five years I've been teaching English.
Five years I've been missing my friends back home.
Five years and seven days since I left London.
Five years, five months and some odd days since I started the blog.
Friends have got married. Had kids. Had more kids. Moved in with partners. Got divorced. Got new jobs. New lives. Moved to different countries. Five years. A long time. A life time ago.
London. BBC. England. English. The NHS. Long daylight hours. Short summers. Understanding. Being understood. Shoe shops. Clothes Shops. Boots and Superdrug. Weekend newspapers. Pubs. Beer gardens. Europe. Cheap flights.
Five years. A long time.
I'd never been to Asia before moving to Japan. Unless Israel counts. Now I've visited Taiwan, Hong Kong, Thailand, Cambodia, Laos, Vietnam, India. India for the second time this coming winter.
But enough is enough.
Friends have come and gone. Some haven't come. Europe is calling me. England isn't. Weekends in England are, but England isn't home. Japan isn't home either. Not really sure where home is. But I'm making preparations for where might be home. Researching. Language studying. CV prepping. Europe beckons. Access to friends. Access to friends' kids. Access to London shops. To budget airlines. To friends all over West Europe. To Europeans. To a different way of life. To a different mentality.
There are many things I like about Tokyo. There are many things I've loved about my time here. But it's all too predictable.
That's why the blog slipped.
I had nothing to blog about.
I've been likening life here to a marriage recently. The first year or so was the honeymoon period. It was all new and fresh and unpredictable and exciting and wonderful.
And then the routine set in. It became increasingly more comfortable and predictable.
And more comfortable and predictable.
And more comfortable and predictable.
And, whilst glasses didn't get thrown around, boredom started setting in.
And in.
And in.
And in.
And as the comfortableness and the predictability grew, I knew it was time to make a break.
Spring 2009. That was when I planned to leave.
But the diploma came along.
And now it's like waiting for a divorce to come through.
And the diploma is ending too fast.
And too much of the year has been spent stressed.
And sick.
I've never had so many health problems in my life as I have this year.
Now it's a tooth infection.
Before that it was something else. And something else and something else.
And with the studying and with the tiredness and with the stress there hasn't been the time or energy to do anything this year.
But the bigger picture. That's what counts. The money I'm saving. The holiday I'm planning. The diploma I'm going to get. The experiences I've got. The knowledge that this isn't forever. And the day of packing up will come quickly. And new adventures will start. And things will again become unpredictable. And I can reconnect with friends who lived in Tokyo but moved to or moved back to Europe. To friends in England. That I'll be able to stop my stagnation.
That maybe I'll find home.

Rattle My Cage

Not flatmates this time.

Earthquakes. Two big ones in two days. The first was the biggest I've ever felt. The second I guess was aftershock.

Or not.

I don't really know much about earthquakes.

And I don't have a table to get under. Because that's what you're meant to do.

And I don't have earthquake 'supplies'. Because I can't be bothered.

Actually, I don't mind earthquakes. But I'm weird like that!

UPDATE: seems number two wasn't an aftershock but another quake. A few dozen people were slightly injured. Probably had things fall on their heads.

So this is how my life is.

As I haven't blogged in such a long time, I doubt anyone comes here anymore. Hence, this post is more cathartic than anything else.

I'm not in such a good place right now and haven't been for a while. The end of the road feels very far away right now and the trek is tiring me out.

Having had the year starting off badly with being ill and the hospital stay, it doesn't really feel that things have got any better mentally for me. My head and my heart were both telling me last year that I'd had enough of Japan and the time to leave was well past. I told myself I'd be out of here in April 2009 unless I found a good reason to stay. The 'good reason' came in the shape of the opportunity to do the teaching diploma. But more about the diploma in a bit.

So, why the struggle with Japan? Sometimes the reasons seems crystal clear and other times even I'm not sure what's wrong. Part of it comes down to me myself. I feel trapped. All of my life has been spent moving from house to house, city to city, and now I'm just plain restless. I've been here TOO long. Staying in one place for a long time isn't what I do. I don't connect with this place. To be honest, I don't know if I've ever connected with a place but I feel certain that there is a place somewhere that I will connect with.

Whilst I know some lovely Japanese people, as a whole the Japanese people I have daily contact with just don't inspire me. I cannot get to grips with a group mentality, even after five years. In fact, there are so many things I could add to this, but as I can't really find a tactful way to express my feelings on this matter, I won't.

My job also doesn't inspire me much and I feel, as a teacher I should be an inspiration for people, but if I don't feel the enthusiasm I believe I should feel, then how can I really motivate other people?

In the area of Tokyo where I work the majority of our students come for one-to-one lessons. Whilst I understand that for some students it is impossible to come at a regular time so they must have lessons by themselves, or that some students have special needs in their study, like preparing for a presentation, for example, (the majority don't) - for those that CAN come regularly - well, I think they're just anti-social freaks chosing to not have classmates. No, not really. But almost.

I love teaching. I want to teach. But I feel I'm just entertaining most of the time. Like I said, my head and my heart aren't in it anymore. I don't feel I'm growing as a teacher and it's frustrating the hell out of me. And the more I read for the diploma, the more my own situation is getting to me. As was pointed out to me, we're not about teaching, we're about money. Highly motivating words those. I WANT to be about teaching. Sorry, but that's how I am.

I probably mentioned before that in April I returned to the language schools part of the company. I'd worked there for 3 years, and then gone to the business/kindergartens side for 18 months, before returning this year. I was given a promotion to senior teacher but I wasn't given decent classes. I wasn't given large groups - even when other teachers left and larger groups became available.

And in the current economic climate - well, you can imagine the sorts of things that are happening in the company and the sorts of things being speculated about.

Japanese students are easy to teach. But I want more from the students. I want students to ask more questions. I want students to be more creative. I want more variety and unpredictability. And then I'll be willing to give more.

Where I live has turned into a bit of a nightmare for me recently. In the last few months, quite a few of the residence left and everything changed as a result. Those who left were working full time and Japanese. They spent a lot of time in the house studying. They`ve been replaced by Europeans who are LOUD. Bloody loud. Most of them are here for a short time so thank fuck for that but there's only so much you can take of battling your body's desire to not let you sleep with your inconsiderate flatmates ridiculous amount of noise at 3am or 5am or 7am or whenever they feel like making a ridiculous amount of noise. It's been seriously driving me nuts. The reasons why I won't move boil down to a) I have NO time to look for somewhere, b) it's expensive to move, c) as a foreigner I really don't have that many options of places to live here and d) it's just too much hassle and I don't know if somewhere else would be any better.

For the rest - I've been doing the Trinity LTCL Diploma (teaching diploma) since the beginning of the year. I knew it would be hard work. I didn't know it would be such a ridiculous amount of hard work. I feel behind in all areas of it. At the moment we're in the middle of ten weeks of teaching practice on a Sunday (six are assessed and four of those go towards the final result of the diploma). This means I get one day off a week. It's killer. And time that I would have put aside for studying - is being used to prepare for the teaching on Sundays.

In short I am exhausted. Mentally, emotionally and physically exhausted. My sleep has been abysmal for ages. I'm having to depend on caffeine to get through the day. I cannot calm my mind. Physically I'm in a terrible state. Amazingly, my skin has held out and I've not actually had any problems (touch wood) since I left the hospital. Amazingly. My skin normally reacts very quickly to stress. But it's not so much stress as exhaustion. I should exercise. But I don't have time. If I have any energy, I feel I should be studying. If I don't have energy to study, I don't have the energy to exercise.

I also don't have the time to go out. I can count the number of times I've been drunk this year. Actually, I can probably count the number of times I've been out this year. Diploma guilt. Tiredness. Sickness at the beginning of the year. Still, means I'm saving a lot, so that's good. Isn't it?

And the age thing is really getting to me. I've come to a few realisations regarding my age and however I look at it, I cannot find a positive side to this. I can't help but feel now that I've made several bad decisions in my life and that in every respect, I'm not where I want to be. I feel there are things I should have done differently, things I should have made changes to a long time ago, things I want but may never get. Things that have passed me by and opportunities that will now not come my way. And it saddens me and terrifies me and makes me feel very lonely because the fact is, I don't know anyone who can relate to this - to these fears and regrets.

So, what can I do about it all? Not much right now. I feel like this year is being lived in a bubble that I can't really direct or control. This year feels like an existance, not a life. Starting with the first two months of the year being wiped out with sickness and continuing with not having any outlets for - well, I was going to say 'my energy' - but as I don't have any,　it can't be that.

I just don't remember the last time I felt motivated, enthusiastic, alive.... I can't remember the last time I wasn't exhausted, the last time I actually had nothing to do, the last time I laughed my head off. I'm stuck in this bubble floating around and trying to survive - because it doesn't feel like I'm doing anything more than that. And I don't have time to do anything more than that. I'm stuck. And I'm not happy being stuck.

And next spring I am getting the fuck out of here. If I can keep it together until then.

Middle Age (part 1)

On Friday I'm going to turn 38.

That's closer to 50 than to 20.

I'm terrified.

Little Flowers

One of my students was given some pink washing up gloves as a mothers day present from her 28 year old daughter. I said that, in England, that would be quite an insulting present (and explained why). But she was happy - they had small flowers on them.

Woman, know your place....

And the rest of her day? She cooked and cleaned as normal. I think the point was missed but that's Japan for you.

All I Want...

I'm writing this gritting my teeth through period pains, determined to not reach for the painkillers. I can do it...

It's the middle of - actually, it's almost the end of - Golden Week holiday - a series of one-day national holidays to celebrate various things that most Japanese probably aren't aware of. Actually, that's my (not so) secret mission for the next five working days - to see how many adult students actually know what the national holidays were for.

I should feel rested. I should feel energised. I should have done lots and lots of studying. But I don't, I'm not, and I haven't.

I've had some nice days hanging out with people and some days exhausted at home - trying to study but just not feeling like it.

Exhausted. I have never felt so exhausted in my life. All I want is to not feel exhausted. All. The. Time. All this year. I mean, sure, I've felt knackered before, but to feel SO totally wiped out?

So why AM I in this state?

Well, the MRSA earlier this year really knocked it out of me. For weeks afterwards even walking to the station was quite an effort. I went straight back to work after hospital. I threw myself - tried to throw myself - into the diploma. I changed jobs. I got a promotion. I got 5 days of new students. New responsibilities. I got further behind and more stressed about getting further behind in the diploma. I felt people were wanting too much. Even in a nice way - but just too much. I started getting stressed about the future. About my age. About babies. About my weight. About the amount of time I don't have for the small things - and the bigger things - that I need to do. My sleep pattern fucked up. I fucked up my sleep pattern. My routine changed totally and fucked up my sleep pattern.

All I want is to play with time. I'd like to turn the clock back a few months (or years for that matter) - or at the least add a few hours to the day.

April

Wow, I've become such a crap blogger.

But then again, there's not enough hours in the day as it is.

April weather in Tokyo has been up and down - a promise of summer, a reminder of winter. Quite unsettling.

Had a kid the other day, a five year old - we were doing a quick beachball warmer with 'what's your favourite x?' questions. To help young kids understand things like 'what'syourname' or 'whatsyourfavouritecolour' aren't in fact one word, I'll often get each kid to say one word of the phrase as we pass the ball. After a couple of rounds of favourite sport, drink, etc I allowed the kid to chose a category. She chose BODY PART.... and her answer was LUNG.

And no, I didn't teach her either of those bits of language!

On settling though, the new job is going along well. As far as being senior teacher is concerned, it means I can actually do things instead of just getting annoyed by them. Most of my new classes / students are really nice and a complete change is always good. Although I DO miss teaching big classes of kids.

So that's all been keeping me pretty busy.

The diploma is a mini-nightmare. I'm totally enjoying it but just don't seem to have enough time to do it and catch up on myself and all the reading. I have big breaks at school - in theory - but people want to talk or I need to do something else. But it's Golden Week coming up (a holiday) so that'll give me a chance to get stuck into it.

Quite a few people have left this month, which is always sad. It was the excuse for a good drunken lunch and then some hanami (cherry blossom 'viewing' - ie, drinking in the park) at the start of the month. At one point, a friend and I had gone on a tree hunt (we didn't want to join the massive toilet queues) and got lost on the way back. I'd left my phone with our friends (stupid thing to do) so couldn't call them. Luckily we spotted a man in a Frogger costume (it's REALLY not worth finding an image - 'Frogger' is a cartoon character who is a dog - er, I mean a frog. You can picture man dressed as frog for yourself) - who we'd seen before and he helped us find our friends. Life strange in Tokyo? No, course not.

--------------------------------------------------

Recently there's been a story about Tsuyoshi Kusanagi driving Japan nuts. Kusanagi is a member of a boyband called SMAP who have been very famous for a long time in Japan and who endorses lots of products, etc. The poor lad got drunk, got naked (as is pretty much expected from popstars everywhere else, isn't it?) and got arrested. Since then he's been dropped from campaign after campaign and even debated in parliament here. A load of hysteria over nothing. Of course he has publicly apologised. Ridiculous, eh?

---------------------------------------------------

Another recent story that has caught my eye is that Japan is now paying foreigners to get out and stay out. Racist? Japan? Surely not.

-------------------------------------------------

And my personal annoyance at the moment is why so many things are sold in packets of 3s and 5s here. (Think meet slices, cheese slices, bread slices, etc). It's extremely annoying - yes, FOUR is an unlucky number, bla bla, but then make it six, why can't you?!

Dream On, Deamer

Did I say the weird dreams had ended? They haven't. Well, they did for a few days.

Last night I dreamt I was being seriously reprimanded at work because there'd been complaints about.... my singing. In my dream my singing had seriously upset some kids and I was in BIG trouble for it. I defended myself saying I had a sore throat. (Because of course, without a sore throat, I'd be a hot contender to win American Idol, wouldn't I?!)

Roll on karaoke tonight! Akane and I plan to murder some Oasis.

Today is day three of my new contract. Verdict so far: Well, it was a little strange getting my head around what day it was as on Thursday I worked where I used to work on Friday, with a teacher I used to work with on Saturday and lots of students I've given make up or floating lessons to before. Nice enough day. A little boring.

Yesterday I worked where I used to work on a Saturday with a teacher I used to work with until six months ago on a Saturday. The students were all new though. Nice bunch. Much more interesting than Thursdays students.

Anyway, right now I'm waiting for the miracle of caffeine to step in. I'm shattered. Got into bed at a reasonable hour but hardly slept. Today could be long!!!

May I Clap?

On Saturday night I went and saw Oasis in concert (thanks again, Beth!). The concert was very good but even more interesting, was the crowd. It's been a long time since I went to a big concert (Getting old and all that!) but my memory of big concerts is that people tend to make a lot of noise clapping, shouting, singing, screaming.... and of course, dancing.

On Saturday though most of the people I could see weren't really doing any of these things. There was a little bit of singing and there was clapping - if someone started everyone else off - but on the whole the Japanese crowd was totally passive. Even the band looked shocked.

I went to a baseball game in Japan last year. People made noise there. But there were people telling them when to.

This kind of restraint seems most odd to me.

On the other hand, oh sod it, there is no other hand. Not that I can remember anyway. I still have a cold; I still haven't been 100% okay this year and so bloody tired. Partly because of the diploma (although I've not remembered any dreams for a few days now) and partly the whole job thing - the taking on of so many new students at once. Oh and PMS.

Today was my final day on this contract. My final day of working in a kindergarten. My final day of working in the middle of Saitama.

Shit, I need a break.

To Sleep Perchance To Dream. Again.

Everyone dreams. Really, everyone dreams - but not everyone remembers their dreams. Generally speaking, I've fallen into this latter category throughout my life. I've remembered very very few dreams. And they were all very strange - the ones I remembered. Some were like mini motion pictures. And I've almost always been able to figure out what's triggered them off.

I don't believe dreams predict the future. Dreams sort out your unconscious. They try and figure it all out for you. For me, the memory of a conversation earlier that day, a line from a book, something I've seen in a TV show, a noise, all of these can trigger off dreams

This year though has been something else all together. This year I've remembered dozens of my dreams. Most have been, scarily enough, diploma or job related or, not surprisingly, medically related.

Actually, when I was in hospital, I used to get my first IV drip of the day at 6am. I normally went back to sleep as soon as I'd been plugged in. Now, sleeping while strong antibiotics were slowly plinking into my veins gave me some very very odd dreams. I didn't write them down though, so now I can't remember them. Come to think of it, that's probably not a bad thing.

In the last couple of weeks I've dreamed of other teachers testing me on diploma vocabulary and shouting when I didn't know the answers; I've dreamed of another (single, childless) friend lying on the couch, smoking away, with six of so kids running riot around her (too much 'Wife Swap' and kindergarten, methinks); I've dreamt my mother (who I've not spoken to for almost 20 years) was a hooping champion. And then after she'd told me that, she went running into the street with a man and flashed her bum; I've dreamed of teeth falling out a couple of times (I know that's 'meant' to be money related, but I don't believe that); and last night I dreamed I had to go to Glasgow (I worked with a teacher from Glasgow recently) for a radio interview (er, not sure about this bit) and they were trying to send me there by express train (again, no idea). In the same dream I dreamed of gourmet pet food (nope) and of going to the prom (American high school kind, not Royal Albert Hall kind. And no, I never had a prom at my school).

Come to think of it - I can't remember any more. I'm still traumatised by my mother flashing her bum....

Do you remember dreams often? What do you think they mean?

I just remembered another recent one: I was in a doctor's consulting room (yes, I know!) but they weren't sure what was wrong with me (again, I know!), so they started showing me very complicated flashcards and getting me to name things on the cards. They STILL couldn't figure out what was wrong with me but then I suddenly discovered that if I lifted something with my right hand (I tried a stereo and a suitcase - though not at the same time), then I forgot the proper word for something. For example, I called a bear 'a cat'. Everytime I put down whatever I was holding, I could name things properly and everytime I picked something back up, I couldn't.

Again, I blame the diploma for this kind of dream.

Yesterday - A Day In The Life Of, Or Something Like That

My brain fried yesterday. Got up early. (Early for me, probably pretty normal for most people). Spent the next 28 hours giving tests to 27,000 people. Or maybe it was the next 6 hours giving tests to 14 people. Felt like the former though.

Listened to the 27,000 people telling me how [insert place name] has much nature and [insert place name] is very convenience. And how their boss is amazing and their hero but they didn't chose their job their company made them do it and how they hate their long hours but they love their colleagues and how ramble ramble ramble I'm going to answer whatever I want to but not actually the question that you asked or the question that is in front of me and in fact I'm the same as one of those Japlish signs that ramble on and make no sense but it doesn't matter because the words are all in English and so that's what counts, doesn't it, I mean the words are English so therefore I'm speaking English and English is cute and oh I have much allergy now....

I could feel my brain cells falling into a deep comatic sleep one by one. Maybe they'll never come around again.

And this on the knowledge that if the candidates got a GOOD English grade (which none of mine did) they were getting a bonus equivalent to about 11 months of my salary. That hurts.

After that I spent several hours holed up in a cafe studying. Cos that's what we do here. They do here? People buy an overpriced cup of coffee and sit snoozing or studying for hours in a cafe. Kind of does justify the price actually. Had a good study session but it sent more brain cells to sleep.

Had 90 minutes of fun and joy with an elementary class after that. What's your favourite movie? I like Disney Movies because they are cute (mid-20s female). Where did you go for your honeymoon? [yes, of course we'd covered the meaning of 'honeymoon'] - 3 minutes of uhmming and ahhing but a student who married two years ago before he remembered.

By the time I'd finished the 17 hour lesson with them by brain was fried.

Got home. Flatmate decided to ask me to correct a translation she'd had to do for her internship. That made my brain ache even more. Sentences about how workers were disobedient because they sometimes didn't stay chained to their desks but actually went and spoke to other interns. And sometimes even outside the POSTROOM. Gasp!

And then my head exploded!

-----------------

Written on a paper cup (and no, I don't understand it either):

The Art of Cold.

Enjoy what you do?

We hit the street.

We hit the high.

Yes, Deer.

They like English in Japan. They do. Really. English words are cool. Especially on signs and t-shirts. Hell, sometimes they even make sense. More often than not they don't though. Many a time I've seen some 'English', scratched my head and concluded: yahoo translator? google translator? random words randomly thrown together (in a random way)?

Case in point: 11-year female student, wearing a t-shirt with lots of English ramblings on it about a walk or the countryside or the summer or something. With the final sentence reading:

I am happy to have a good deer.

Suggestions for what this might mean are welcomed.

--------------------------------

Mums here are busy with housewifery, running the kids around, bentoing, etc, and sometimes they have to clean their kids schools - if there's going to be a festival on, etc. Dads work. Hard. Long hours. They don't have so much to do with the every dayness of their kids in many cases. UNLESS they are the dad of a kindy kid and then, well....

One of my students told me how whenever his kids have sports days at school (kindy) the dads all go to the school at 5a.m. and start queueing waiting for the teachers to open the gates at 7a.m. Dad can then rush to get the prime spot to watch Aya-chan or Kouki-kun doing whatever kindy kids do at sports days. Mum is probably at home making bentos while this is going on.

This would never happen in England. I'm not saying mum and dad don't give a shit, but a) sports day on a Saturday???? and b) queueing at 5a.m. on a Saturday for a kindy sports day???? and c) they just wouldn't. We always had sports days in the week and there were no parents competing for 'spots to watch from' races, as far as I remember.

Actually, primary school sports days were fun in England. Sack races, egg and spoon, obstacle courses.... Maybe I hated them, but the idea seems a lot of fun now.

-------------------------------

Strawberries and kahlua are a very good combination. Thought I'd share that with you!