A Bit Better
Yesterday was a tough day.
Yesterday I felt really low.
Yesterday was the first chance I'd had since being back from London to realise how much I miss my friends IN London. Not that even that would be enough to make me move back. Unless you can find me a nice teaching job that pays £50k +.... Nah, didn't think so.
I got back from London last Monday night. Late. And went straight back to work on Tuesday, generally feeling pretty okay and just a little bit tired and being kept going with trying to stay awake and with the excitement of the impending visitors.
Wednesday night, jetlag struck and I was unable to sleep until about 4.30am or so. The same happened on Thursday night. But adrenaline and caffeine are nice friends to have. So much so that I didn't actually realise until today just how exhausted I was.
Zandt and his friends came Thursday night and I had a lot of fun hanging out with them and doing touristy / boozy things with them on Friday and Saturday. A LOT of fun. It's just a shame it was so short, but hey - better than nothing.
They left very early on Sunday morning and I didn't feel like going back to sleep. Most of the day was, in fact, just spent moping around feeling the quietness and calmness of my apartment.
And not liking it.
The thing IS that Zandt is one of the few people I know who really seems to 'get' and to know me. It's an easy and honest friendship. It's fun. But above all it's easy. Not even geography really seems to get in the way (I mean, it's not his fault he lives in the States. Okay, it IS his fault, but whatever).
In short, I felt lonely and it was then that the 'I miss my London mates' also had the chance to resurface. It's hard. Friendships here are very transient. People come and go. People get distracted by relationships. People turn out to be not what you thought them to be originally. You don't get the chance to see some people so often and so every time you meet it can feel like a huge effort. True friends are the ones that this doesn't matter with. They're the ones that are reliable, dependable and that you can trust 100%. The ones you can say ANYTHING to - and it won't matter. These are the friendships that take time to nurture but will stay. These are also the friendships that although you have to work at, you know it'll be worth it.
And sometimes, I just cannot be arsed. Sometimes, I'd rather just be alone. There are always new people arriving - but it's an effort to get to that comfortable stage and I find it pretty hard to trust and let people in anyway. Plus I'm pretty hard to 'get'. I know this. People who can break through that will find me a very loyal and dependable friend, but I keep my guard up for far too long with far too many people. That's just me.
And it's the people that have got through this guard that I love dearly and really really miss.
Generally though, things are better today than yesterday!
P.S. This video has no relevancy to anything. But it did make me laugh my socks off. Enjoy.
Toilet training for Japanese kids: