Living my life in monochrome

Sometimes I really piss myself off. I am a bundle of inconsistencies and contradictions and sometimes this drives me nuts about myself. Blame it on my Gemininess. Blame it on me being me.

• I take everything too seriously. When I'm not too busy taking nothing seriously.
• I like spontaneity. But I hate being surprised - it often flounders me.
• Many people see me as mature, independent, confident and focused. They really don't know me.
• I don't care what anyone thinks about me. And yet I care what everyone thinks.
• People think I'm efficient and organised. They haven't seen my undone to-do list or my apartment.
• I like change. But I don't like change.
• I want a quiet predictable life. But I want an exciting unpredictable life.
• I want things done now. But I don't want to do them now.

I wish I could figure myself out.